March 20, 2016

Membebel

Salam,

Many years have past and I still dont know what will happen in my future. Rasa macam diri ni pathetic. Semakin banyak masa berlalu semakin aku tak tahu apa yang aku nak. Before this, aku nak graduate with degree which i got. Aku nak kerja and aku dapat. Aku nak independent..well i did it eventhough i need to struggle.

The more i live, the scarier the world. I'm lonely. Once aku dah keja everything has changed, i decided to work in Penang, build my own life here, be independent, i feel the path i need to go through is tougher.

Most of my friends are happy while me...hmmmmm.. i dont know what I want. I thought with my age i will be someone's wife, macam dalam cerita drama found our own true love. Bak kata orang bercinta hingga ke jannah. hahaha. But thats all cliche

There was one man datang merisik last year. I thought, oh..this is it. I will be someone's wife. Then I met him. We contacted not so long.I did istikharah, i asked Allah to give me a reason why I should married him. He is super duper ordinary guy. Whoever my best friends, you will know  I never judge people by appearance. I'll try my best to give him chances. I can't push myself to accept him.Then Allah showed me one thing that I should stop contacted him. (I cant tell you)
But not that what I want. Dunia ni luas, but I still have lots of thing wonder in my mind. Married????

Hmmmmm..its not easy. I still ada rasa takut nak kawan dengan lelaki. The world is scary. Apa yang aku kejar sebenarnya. Aku tak nak petah berkata-kata. Aku tak nak jd centre of attraction. Aku tak nak la hidup aku mendatar saja.

Lols, hidup perlu diteruskan. I will never ever ever give up. InsyaAllah.

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