November 27, 2016

Speaking la pula. lols

Salam,

I havent been updated my blog since bila entah.hahaha.Currently i have been go though in tough time but not really tough. Alhamdulillah i can handle it. I can say i need to stand strong. I am still work in Airasia for almost 2 years. I am still seeking better opportunity for me to grow in career.

I am also try my best to be me, a daughter and a friend. Actually i wanna share my feelings. I dont know where i should start. If u read my previous post, aku ada share pasal someone which i thought the feelings will go away when i ignore it. Actually NO.

I have tried my best to make myself busy with work,family and friends but in my mind I still thinking of him. Do i tell him? yes. How he react? As i expected. He cold to me. Allahu, i need to get rid this feeling but i dont know how. I got friends who know him a little. There are the reasons that i can say i should stop but the thing is i really wanna go to him. I dont know why. I know i should really move on. One of my friends say im living in denial. Am I?

Ya Allah, apa nak jadi dengan aku ni. Me and him macam langit dengan bumi, macam enggang dengan pipit. He faaaar away better than me but why I want him ha?  I will try my best to move on. Really my best. Guys, this is what we call unrequited love. lols

Patah hati, hancur hati tak sangka it happened to me, Next year i hope i can be more strong, I can let this feeling go. Go back to me before as a free girl. I mean as me who can stand alone.Please pray for me.


June 28, 2016

My Wisdoom Tooth and My Life

Salam,

Finally, my wisdom tooth buat hal lg. Sakit dia, Mashaallah, hanya Allah ja tau.Harini aku ambil mc. menangis ya rabbi macam budak darjah 1.haha..housemate terkejut sb aku nangis dalam fon ngadu dekat mak aku. Well, masa ni la u need someone by your side but you have none. Sobs.

Gigi aku akan dicabut lepas raya. Semalam aku gi klinik gigi government.Doktor cakap lepas raya n dy bagi ubat tahan sakit dekat aku. Then tak pa la.i olls redha. Sahur tadi makan ubat siap2 pastu smbg tdo. Bangun ja dr tdo ya rabbi. Allah ja tau tak tertanggung sakit. Lepas call mak, mak pesan gi klinik swasta. Pegi klinik swasta,hmmm,bagus juga la sb doktor cek smpi hbs. tp duit aku habis rm200. T_T. Tapi itu belum cabut ye. Cabut lepas raya and i will do at government dentist. Swasta mau nangis la aku.

Lepas tu, rasa la lega sikt. Terus gi qb tengok wayang.Hahaha..Sorang pun jadi wei.Then call mak bgtau perkembangan. Waktu ni la mak aku ulang balik ayat dulu. The reason why they dont allow me to work far from them. Padahal aku dekat penang je pon. Mak aku kata sakit macam ni la mak aku risau. Takde sape nak tengokkan. Pegi mana2 sorang2. I told my mak, selagi mak doakan keselamatan angah, selagi tu la angah selamat.hehehe

My life. hurmm.. Based on my last post.After i got this pain, i decided to stop. I do like him but enough for me to end here. Perasaan orang tak bole paksa awak. Hashtag redha.haha.
I realize that my istikharah must have other meaning. Tak pe la awak. I dont mind and i dont want to waste your time.

Mungkin life aku macam ni la kan. Ala2 sedih, lonely, and hmmm..and ape ea.lols.im not pathetic. I just want to continue my life. Hey, im an independant woman hokeyyyy. I stand on my feet.Tak pe. Ada jodoh ada la.

Now, i wanna take care of my health. Jaga diri sendri. Jaga hubungan aku dengan Allah. Perbaiki diri aku.Be anak yang solehah. As long as Allah with me.I m okay. Perkara yang aku paling takut ialah Allah lepaskan hati aku.Biarkan aku pergi macam tu.Allahu, nauzubillah. 2nd yg aku takut.Kehilangan family aku. Aku tak bole bayangkan. Family ak sentiasa dgn aku. Tak de tempat lain lagi aku bole bergantung melainkan family aku.

Well thats all. Walaupun takde orang membaca i dont mind.At least, apa yg terbuku dalam hati aku dah keluar. If anyone read this please keep it silent. Aku tak nak la orang baca blog aku.Because this is only place I can express my feelings.Okay. Thanks =D


June 26, 2016

The Unexpected

Salam,

Yup, this is unexpected and bcome more complicated. I miss my old self. Hati aku ni keep going to that person. He was not giving a proper answered and im still put a hope in it.

Allah, Tuhan yang membolak balikkan hati aku.  I hate this feelings. Hate to know how pathetic i can be when i fall to someone. I said i want to end it but i cant. He keep mingling in my mind. I believe everything happen comes with reason.

Every morning i wake up just to see whether he reply my wassap or not. The dissapointment with blue tick like hmmmm.. I do feel relieve when i told him. but i never expect this could happen. Even right now i am not well due to sore throat and suddenly sakit gigi and i still look at my phone.

Weii, aku dah gila ka apa? I am scared. Takut this feeling will be more deep.His name always in my pray and i can feel how selfish i am. Aku pujuk diri aku untuk redha.Redha dlm smua benda. Please pray for me. I am really struggling in this.



June 23, 2016

Taking Another Step To End It

Salam,

hmmm.. i think i need a progress. A progress for me so i can move on. Well, i had post about my crush. I had tried to forget him many times, But i cant. He always in my mind. So, to get the answer I will ask him. fuhh.. tak pernah2 ni syikin buat perangai macam ni. Allahu, aku dah tak fokus da. And i want myself back.

So, to end it i need to talk to him. Cakap je senang. Once dah setel i will bawa diri. I didnt expect he will accept me. I can predict he will reject me. Which I dont mind. At least I tell him what I feel. Pray for me. So, I will be strong and move ahead.

I am taking another step to end all this mess in my head.

April 24, 2016

Shhhhh..my crush

Salam,

I like to tweet. Tapi tu la dh tak private .So fikir punya fikir,then baru teringat aku ada blog. dan aku tak rasa org tahu.hahah.

Aku nak bercerita.Aku nak membebel. Aku nak luah perasaan aku, rasa aku, suka aku,duka aku dan semua la. I think im having kecelaruan perasaan la.hahaha. Like my post before, makin lama, aku makin tak tahu apa nak.hahah

Aku nak cerita pasal crush aku.Yup, i got crush.He was someone from my university.Dulu mampu tgk dr jauh la.hmmmm...aku ada ckp pasal org merisik aku kan.Waktu buat istikharah tu aku minta Allah tunjuk aku.

U know what, many years have past and i'm not even think about him at all.Tapiiii...dlm lepas buat istikharah tu, bkn la hari tu jga la.Few days later, aku mimpi dia. Aku ada la mimpi beberapa kali tp tak bole recall. Tapi ada satu mimpi tu aku ingat smpi sekarang.Dlm mimpi tu ak nak ambil wuduk, and tempat yang aku ambil wuduk tu mcm air yg mengalir.Lepas tu,tetiba dekat air mengalir tu keluar nama dy.Aku terkejut, bila aku angkat muka, aku nampak dy senyum dkt aku.Terus terjaga.Tapi aku sambung balik tidur la and tak ingat pun sbenarnya.Waktu tu.

What made me keep thinking about him is, the next morning bila aku buka fb aku,the 1st ever person yg muncul dlm wall aku was him!.Then, pasal mimpi tu trus jd clear dlm mind aku.Then few days after,i kept dream of him.Im so curious to know him.Since we were fb friends and i dunno is he got someone already or not, aku try follow him in instagram.U know what, he follow me back on the next morning.haha. Same goes with twitter.Aku bukan stalker ye, i just wanted to know whether dy dh ada someone.

Unfortunately, aku tak jumpa pun.lols.Oh, if he liked my post and followed me back on social media, actually that did made my day.hahah.entah cana bole ada perasaan mcm tu.crush lama kot.hahah

Then suddenly,my bff from uni called me.We shared lots of things and i told her.She offered me to be 'orang tengah'. Macam nak tahu status dy.So, since i already 26 years old this year, why not i take the first move.

Nak tau jawapannya apa?He said, dy tak ada sapa and tak mahu ada sapa.I was like hmmmm. I think this hurt more than if he has someone.lols. Rasa nak nyanyi sakitnya tuh disini.hahaha.Oh, my bff ni tanya kawan dy ye.bkn dy trus.

Well, of coz la.Klu jodoh Allah akan gerakkan kedua-dua hati.tapi aku sorang je yang tergerak hati memang tak la kan.lols. Actually, i decided to unfriend him in social media.tapi mcm obvious sgt.but actually bukan anti ka apa.Tapi rasa baik buang perasaan ni cepat.Kang melarat. Aku tak mau.How to get rid ah? I hope he likes me back tp dh situasi mcm ni, aku rasa tak.aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....

If i could say to him'bro, unfollow sy bole?'..hahha.nak block melampau sgt.fb xpa.bole unfriend.ni yg twitter dgn instagram.acane ni?. I do like him, takut kang melarat sgt.Susah la pula.

k.bye.

p/s: aku makin gemok sb makan hati.hahah

March 20, 2016

Membebel

Salam,

Many years have past and I still dont know what will happen in my future. Rasa macam diri ni pathetic. Semakin banyak masa berlalu semakin aku tak tahu apa yang aku nak. Before this, aku nak graduate with degree which i got. Aku nak kerja and aku dapat. Aku nak independent..well i did it eventhough i need to struggle.

The more i live, the scarier the world. I'm lonely. Once aku dah keja everything has changed, i decided to work in Penang, build my own life here, be independent, i feel the path i need to go through is tougher.

Most of my friends are happy while me...hmmmmm.. i dont know what I want. I thought with my age i will be someone's wife, macam dalam cerita drama found our own true love. Bak kata orang bercinta hingga ke jannah. hahaha. But thats all cliche

There was one man datang merisik last year. I thought, oh..this is it. I will be someone's wife. Then I met him. We contacted not so long.I did istikharah, i asked Allah to give me a reason why I should married him. He is super duper ordinary guy. Whoever my best friends, you will know  I never judge people by appearance. I'll try my best to give him chances. I can't push myself to accept him.Then Allah showed me one thing that I should stop contacted him. (I cant tell you)
But not that what I want. Dunia ni luas, but I still have lots of thing wonder in my mind. Married????

Hmmmmm..its not easy. I still ada rasa takut nak kawan dengan lelaki. The world is scary. Apa yang aku kejar sebenarnya. Aku tak nak petah berkata-kata. Aku tak nak jd centre of attraction. Aku tak nak la hidup aku mendatar saja.

Lols, hidup perlu diteruskan. I will never ever ever give up. InsyaAllah.